Thursday, February 5, 2009

How to make a LDR work?

It's hard enough to make local relationships work, but having miles, States, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more...


1 - Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship ( dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?” or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?". Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.

2 - Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!

3 - Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. For an extensive list of more things you can do with each other (or for each other) click here: Things for LDR Couples to Do .

4 - Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
5 - Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

6 - Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
7 - Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

8 - Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. You have to remember that for a healthy relationship, no matter how far or close, you must be willing to let go.
9 - Remember: things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.

10 - Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.

11 - Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

12 - Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.


  1. Ayos pre...kelangan ko to, salamat pre :)


  3. Great tips but at the end of the day, after everything is said and done.

    Love each other. I mean, really love each other so that not even distance can keep you apart.

  4. hmmmmm alam mo ba nakaka 4 na gf na ako at lahat sila puro nasa province pero i see to it na nagkikita kami thrice a week kahit nasa bicol, bataan at bagiuo pa sila... pero mahirap mag maintain ng isang LDR,,,,, bigla ko tuloy na alala yung mga ex gf ko ah..... wala akong masabi sa utak mo parekoy.... ang taba taba ng utak mo... (lolz) anyway.... ano tong post mo? based sa experiences mo or wala lang? pero isa lang ang natutunan ko sa LDR.... you have to trust your partner.... kasi pag wala yun.... mas mabuti pang mag paalam na kayo sa isa't isa... tama di ba?

    idol talaga kita bro... yung topic ko bukas medyo sensitive ehhh kaya pinag iisipan ko pa if ippost ko.... about sa pre marital sex at early pregnancies.... what do you think? ipost ko ba?

  5. @josha hahaha mare natawa akos sa comment mo amf

    @FAFA m, lol fafa m dami mow alam ah, bagay sakin to eh tumpak na tumpak to hahahha..

  6. whoa! besides those tips. ang malaking natutunan ko kay supergulaman e the love for each other is super important para maglast ang LDR, like how they surpassed their 5yr (and counting) relationship.
    as for me, baka di ko makayanan ang long distance. but who knows. coz love is unpredictable naman.

    teka, are you getting an LDR? ahaha. goodluck! haha.

  7. di ko ata kaya magkaroon ng relasyon na malayo sakin. gusto ko laging may kaholding hands eh...

  8. haaaay naku! LDR!

    Sa akin lang...

    1) Don't expect anything unless kinasal na kayo or vowed to love each other for eternity.

    2) Leave it to fate. Okay sige, mahal parin kita achuchu sa pag alis niya BUT don't and never make promises you can't keep. Unfair kasi yun both ways.

    3) Trust Love. Kung true love yan, like kay superG, walang bounderies ito, it's as powerful as an atomic bond. It comes naturally as sure as the sun rises and sets. Don't worry!

    4) If nagdududa ka at hindi pa umaalis. pakawalan mo na. don't be selfish. Maging realistic. The truth will set us free ika nga. Maniwala ka.

    5) May favorite number. True love will always find a way. Kung kayo talaga, kayo parin hanggang sa dulo. At hindi na kailangan pa pagisipan ito, mapa LDR man yan.


  9. parang ang dami nang advancer for valentine's day ah!!!

    malapit na daw berdey mo?

  10. All i can say is...It takes both party to make a relationship work, Long or short distance relationship. It takes two to Tango. I guess yan ang naging kulang samin kaya naghiwalay kami.

    Nice post though! :)

  11. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls.

    -- EXACTLY

    Ang hirap nito.. Ang nega ko. Yikes!

  12. TO:

    Lord CM:
    Oo nga no… kailangan mo nga to parekoy… 

    Hahaha!!! Ayos ah!!!

    You said it right… Love and Trust dapat ang kailangan…

    Yeah, ok lang naman siguro if you post that kind of topic… its informative naman yata bro… so, go post it!

    Oyy… bagay ba sayo to? Hmmm…

  13. TO:

    Well, iba iba nga ang opinion natin at iba iba rin ang saloobin pagdating sa ganitong usapin. But still nasa dalawang parties yan kung pano nila ihandle…

    Same as josh… Hehehe

    Thanks sa comments mo… very much appreciated!!!

    Oo nga… berdey ko na raw… Hehehe


    Don’t think NEGA kasi… ;)

  14. I have been in an LDR for about nearly 3 years now. No choice eh, I have to study and he has to work.

    believe me, with enough love, dedication and commitment. It does work.

    Were getting married soon :)

  15. TO:

    As i've said, it depends to the two people involve on how to handle it. The LOVE and TRUST each other are the best factor to maintain LDR. Thanks for dropping... And good luck for the two of you!

  16. TO:

    As i've said, it depends to the two people involve on how to handle it. The LOVE and TRUST each other are the best factor to maintain LDR. Thanks for dropping... And good luck for the two of you!

  17. very educational---

    buti nalang di ako selosong tao---dami namamatay dya n e~~~

  18. ---> PUSANG GALA:
    Daming namamatay? oo nga noh... hehhe

  19. Agree ako kay Jmadz...

    Pero ito talaga ang komento ko;
    nasa taong nagdadala din yun!
    eh paanu kung di makatiis.. naghanap.. at nakahanap..wala na!
    siguro nga iilan lang yung nagsu-survive na LDR na yan!
    pero kahit mangilan ilan lang sila MERON pa rin talaga kaya sa may mga ka-LDR dyan, lalo na yung inlab na ilab may pag-asa pa nman.. mga 5% hehehe


    wow..advance Hppy beerday kung ganun pareko!

  20. @kosa akoy isa sa mg survivor nang langyang LDR na yan,hahaha, pweo wla na pala sumukow din ung mukong na yun , eh ksi naman eh,wla..hahaha!

    @FAFA m bagay satin to fafa m ksi malayow tayow sa isat isa hahaha, joke lang peace ssitah!lol

  21. ay pag-ibig nga naman..mahirap ang LDR magastos...nasubukan ko n kasi yan..ilang buwan pa alng ako dito nun...durog na ang puso ni batman..

    malufet talga..anyweyz...bro ilang araw na lang beerday mo berjer na man jan kahit mamon na lang papatulan ko na.hahaha

  22. Naisip ko lang...(sorry sa TAKE 2)

    Mostly ang hirap jan sa couples na naka LDR mode... nahihiya or natatakot lang sila mauna sa pagpapakatotoo...

    yes at first kakayanin... pero eventually may isa dyan gusto na bumitaw pero ayaw mauna kaya anay na nalang mauna yung isa. Eh hindi nila alam nag aantayan na pala sila...

    Kalokohan. Yun lang yun. If it's not meant to be... WHY BOTHER?
    If it's meant to be... WHY BOTHER PARIN? (may sense ba yun)...

    Meron actually... wag problemahin ang Love. Coz REAL LOVE is strong.
    Kung unsure. Drop it. No place for love without trust... =)

  23. ive been here... naranasan ko na rin ang LDR, wla pang 1 mo. inayawan ko na...

    sorry po, praning lang! hehehhee

    nice tips by the way! :)

  24. TO ALL:
    Thanks for all the comments here. I will respect all your opinions and of course it is depend for the two people involve on how to sustain their relationship... Kung kayo man kahit malayo... di kayo...

    Thanks again! Have a nice day to all!!!